Friday, June 15, 2012

Welcome to the Country - a humorous look at life in the country, by, Charity Maness


So you’ve decided to move to the country where man’s best friend loves to bring his master a variety of gifts…

We are all familiar with the dogs that bring newspapers, mail and slippers, but are you familiar with what the country dog fetches?

This is my reality of owning a dog in the country.

As I may have mentioned before, it is common knowledge among the ‘old timers’ in these here parts that the only ‘good’ dog is a cattle dog…however a coyote would beg to differ as they seem to prefer the Yorkies and Chihuahuas, but I digress. So once you’ve decided you are comfortable with your country existence, you can walk in boots without stumbling, your Wranglers have broken in enough to sit down AND breath, and you don’t roll up your car window when you see a snake because you now know they cannot jump into your car…it is at this point you think you are ready for a dog.

 
Hunting for the perfect country dog to add to your perfect country life can be a bit challenging. After pouring through the buy n sell and visiting animal shelters you’re neighbor tells you that they have a friend of a friend that had a litter of mixed breed puppies, assuring you the whole time they are perfect for the country.

A few weeks later you pick up your cute bundle of fur and discover the first drawback to country dogs…fleas. Ick. After $100 in medicated shampoos and salves, along with some good scrubbing, you can now claim that your puff ball is flea free. As puppies grow fast, so does their curiosity. Within a few months the pastures are your dog’s kingdom. With all this canine wandering comes a new delight…ticks. More money on different medicated shampoos and drops and soon your dog is tick free. Finally flea free and tick free and blessedly potty broken, the new addition is allowed to wander the house, until one day you discover the remains of what clearly was once your coveted pair of Manolo pumps, chewed almost beyond recognition and definitely beyond repair. Inside dog becomes outside dog.

Here in lies the problem with the inside vs outside dog thing. Wyatt adheres strictly to the rule that a dog is a man’s best friend; he was not concerned with the destruction of my favorite pair of pumps, nor did he seem moved by the receipt I produced for said pumps. As far as he is concerned man’s best friend belongs by his side while watching tv, snoozing on the couch or raiding the fridge – all popular weekend sports for many men. 

One night, while enjoying the blanket of stars that covered our little town, man’s best friend decided to bring Wyatt a gift. Giving wide berth to my position (good thinking) country dog snuggles up to Wyatt. A telltale ‘I told you so’ smirk on Wyatt’s face clearly showing that man’s best friend preferred man. No, duh! If a crazy woman had chased me with a chewed up high heel I would avoid her too! 

Now, I will have to back up a bit in this story to give you some back history on country dogs previous generous gifts. They have included, but are not limited to, praying mantis, snake, vole, mouse, toad, bird, squirrel, and many unidentifiable items, better left unidentified. 

So armed with this valuable knowledge and clearly noting how proud country dog was of the gift he was about to bestow upon Wyatt, I backed up just a bit. Wyatt scratches country dogs ears and country dog opens his mouth and deposits his present at Wyatt’s feet. I’m pretty sure I screamed, if I didn’t, I should have. Country dog brought Wyatt what was left of a calf hoof, with fur attached…not the kind you buy in the store, no this was the real McCoy! 

Country dog lived to a ripe old age…outside! 

By, Charity Maness

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