It was time for a visit to Harbor Freight, the grown mans Chuckie Cheese. Shopping there was a big deal because living up here in the foothills we don't go into the big city very often. Going there requires us to set aside a whole day, especially if we want to include a visit to Trader Joe's. Of course our list for Harbor Freight had been made out in advance-the mailer now worn and tattered from excessive use- and we know what we need to look for. As anyone knows who has shopped at Harbor Freight there is a lot of stuff to look at - heading into our ‘golden years’ we have to stay with the items on our list or the bill would be hundreds of dollars.
So after getting all the items on our list and the unavoidable extras, I went up to the counter to check out. The young attractive female clerk asked me how I was going to pay for the items. I deftly pulled out the credit card my wife let me have and proudly showed it to her. She pointed to the machine on the counter that I was supposed to run the card through. There are 4 counters in the store going at the same time and unbeknownst to me I was about to stop all of them.
As I ran my card through the machine, the pretty clerk said to me "strip down." At first I could not believe my ears. The clerk just stared at me and awaited my response. Stalling for time I said "really?" She said "yes" seemingly unaffected by what she was asking of me. My heart rate jumped as I tried to think of how I was going to get out of this. Panicked I said to her "they’re doing this in stores now?” All the while thinking of what was going on in airports across the country. I stalled some more trying to find a way out of this embarrassing situation by turning to the guy behind me and said "do you see what they make you do if you use your credit card?" He apparently had been following all of the drama as he waited behind me, confused as me, but wiser from my mistakes as his response was "not me man, I’m paying cash".
I turned to the waiting cashier and realizing that I was out of time, started to undo my shirt. She said nothing. Hopefully it is pretty clear to you by now that I am no genius when it comes to computers and basically all new computerized stuff. I am pretty sure if one were to look up the definition of country bumpkin, my name would be near the top. Fingers shaking as I unbuttoned my shirt I was really worried how far this young girl going to make me go? All the counters had stopped their transactions and were watching me. Perspiration was falling from my forehead as I saw all the people staring with interest. I continued and was about to take my shirt off when I received a sharp poke in the ribs. Apparently my heretofore unspeaking wife had a point to make. She said “she meant to run the strip on the card down." I was relieved, crushed, and embarrassed. How could this happen to me? People were chuckling away presumably laughing with me…I was not laughing.
Wow how embarrassing! I am not fond of this modern age.
Larry Bain is a local author, having lived in the foothills for many years. His most recent book "The Tour" is a memoir of his time in Vietnam as a crew chief on a slick. Quick witted, honest and fast paced reading.
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