As we all know, living in the country has it own set of challenges when attempting travel outside of say...the county. However, on this trip I am destined for Boulder Colorado, home of the free loving, tree loving and 'legalize it' crowd! I have packed my tevas and my tye dye and I am ready to go.
A peaceful 2 1/2 hour drive to SFO ( a quick Starbucks stop along the way), most assuredly the last possible spot to park in long term parking (out in the gravel and dust), a short bus hop to the airport and I have arrived at SFO Int'l. Being the ever vigilant traveler I have my less-than-three-ounce-liquids all in a zip lock bag, my laptop at the ready for its own plastic xray box and as little clothing as possible on so as not to tie up the line when stripping off a deadly belt or killer stiletto heels. Slip the sling backs off and I'm good to go.
Not so fast. Apparently my itty bitty dress with absolutely no embellishments that left little to the imagination - not that imagination is needed after the whole body scan was complete - set off some alarm. Icky pat down in places better left unsaid by a woman that even my beefiest son would have a hard time taking down and I was cleared, with plenty of time to spare. Time to people watch.
Find a chair with an outlet and pretend to be busy with phone or laptop while I secretly people watch. Where do they live? Where are they going? Why are they traveling? What were they thinking when they bought that shirt? And so on. Starbucks was calling and I needed to find the facilities. This is when it became glaringly clear that the watcher had become the watched. I could only hope that I didn't trip.
Flight late, no duh, what's new? Finally catch flight hoping to make connection. Run off plane to gate counter to ask for next flight gate in hopes that I can make it in time...after all, I am being picked up from the airport and whisked away to the wedding rehearsal...can't be late for that! The gate attendant looks at me as if I hit my head and says, "Ma'am, you just arrived on the plane you will be taking." Mental forehead smack!
Make it to Boulder in record time, traverse treacherous roads to outcropping on top of mountain overlooking all of Boulder, rehearse in fast motion and the weekend whizzes by in what I can only compare to as a Greek type wedding event. Every day was food, alcohol and laughter. From morning to the minute my head hit the pillow. Large families from New York, Israel and other states had all gathered to witness the vows of love exchanged by my beautiful niece and her handsome beau.
How quickly these events come to an end. As I find its time to head back home. Due to what I as a mommy viewed as a crisis at home (a crisis for me can be anything from a cold to stitches and everything in between...hey what can I say..I'm a mom) I left to the airport bright and early trying in vain to exchange my 2:00 flight for an earlier one. Note the 'in vain.' All 6 flights prior to mine were over booked, yep 6. So there I am watching and being watched. Eerie.
My 2:00 plane finally arrives but we are told it is suffering from unknown mechanical problems...um what?!?! I am so not getting on that plane! By 3:15 we are rerouted to another plane at another gate where about 7 of us who were patiently waiting at the previous gate are reprimanded for being late and holding up the flight. Ugh. Glad the gate attendant didn't have a ruler, I could almost feel the back of my hand slapped with each biting word.
For those of you that have not experienced this, you may not understand, but for those of you that have, you know how awful this is.
Ok, so you are late, and obviously the one that held the flight up. As you enter the plane you are keenly aware of being in the spotlight as no less than 30 pair of first class eyes look directly at you speaking clearly their annoyance. As if that wasn't enough your seat is 34E. The Green Mile. Every eye is on you as you trudge guiltily with your overstuffed carry-on all the way to the back of the plane, only to discover that there is no room left for your luggage and you are instructed to walk it back up to the front to be tagged and stowed underneath. Lucky me, I get to walk the green mile again...dead man walking.
As I am the middle seat and late, both the window and the aisle have commandered the armrests...this was a long flight. And as protocol, no one spoke to me... by far the worst torture for me. Just ask my kids, I make fast friends with whoever I sit next to, any where, plane, train, restaurant....you name it, I like to meet people. So as my luck was obviously with someone else that day, delay time was not made up in flight and we were late. Landing in terminal B, I was not as lucky as last time and found my connecting flight that had already boarded was in terminal C. This is where wearing slingbacks and a little nothing dress are not helpful. I attempted a run...not a pretty sight. Breathing heavily I made it just in time, and had to walk another green mile.
Land, bus to car, pay a days pay for parking in a dirt lot and head home. Ah, there's no place like home.
By,
Charity Maness
I really hope you chuckled, giggled or all-out guffawed at least once during this story. Just remember life is for living! Its all fun...even the rough stuff if you have the right attitude. Laughter is indeed the best medicine.
